Grateful?

I worry a great deal, especially lately. I worry about money. How will I make rent, pay my phone bills and utilities, buy groceries and still save up for a car? I worry about my health. Have I lost or gained weight, are my electrolytes OK, will my doctor approve of what I am doing or am I in trouble and heading to the hospital again? I worry about my eating, incessantly. Did I eat too much, too little, the wrong thing? Will I get fat? Will I look alright if I eat this? Will I feel full? I worry about my relationships. Should I call, am I being annoying or clingy, or too distant and isolative? Why am I so lonely? Does anyone like me? Will I ever have romance? Will my family and I ever be reconciled, or have I done too much damage?

So I worry a lot. My head spins, out of control, and I want to numb it out. Quickly.

Then I read in my devotional this morning (which I admit that I only read because I didn't know what else to do -- I rarely read it, which is a sad confession) that I need to go about my day trusting God and being thankful. Crap. I have been so busy worrying and numbing that I completely forgot what I do have.

So ... I am grateful.

I'm not in the hospital or treatment. I have a good care team who are watching out for me. I purged less this week. I have wonderful loving parents who practice boundaries, most of the time. I have a job, which pays the bills even if I don't love it. I have an weird and quirky and wonderful family. I have a few friends who have stuck with me through all my mess. The sun is warming up my section of the planet. I'm finally figuring out my medication. I get to take a really cool class on anthropology.... and my list will continue. There's always something to be grateful for, even amidst my worries.