Mad

I'm still seething. I mean, I am angry. This is uncomfortable for me. In fact, I hate being angry, especially at someone, even more especially at someone I love. I have spent years, years, supressing my fury. It is finally coming up in a way I can recognise as anger. Prior to today, I didn't really think I was upset that much. But my whole eating disorder has a horrible vengeful quality that I couldn't face. I still don't know if I can face this. I hate being so mad! It feels crazy, it feels undeserving, unjustified. I don't have a right to feel this. Yet. Yet I feel it all the same. I'm angry .....